Digression

Oddly enough, I can clearly place the moment when the idea that I wasn't a runner became a fixed idea for me.  It was fourth grade.  We were preparing for track and field day.  We had done timed pre-runs for the event, and I had a pretty good time for one of the races – the 800 meter, I think.  So, one of my classmates nominated me to be a team captain, and I was shy and insecure and I refused the nomination.  It was a terrifying, terrible moment for me.  Of course it’s strange, looking back now, that I let it become so big.  But anyway, from that moment on began the insidious, subconscious and self-defeating path that many of us take through our formative years.  We start to put ourselves into categories, start to form beliefs about ourselves, not really stopping to think why we have them, or whether we should push beyond them.   And though running is only a small aspect of that evolution, I can easily see it as a metaphor for a lot of other areas of my life.  I assumed I couldn't, so I didn't. 

On the other hand, it is nice to have parameters for the path you’re going to take.  If you know what you won’t do, it makes it easier to see what you will do.  When there are no boundaries, everything flies open around you, and it’s overwhelming.  The world is a broad, endless grassland, you could start walking in any direction, and end up anywhere.  It’s your choice.  It’s paralyzing.  There’s scientific proof, too.  There’s such a thing as decision fatigue, where when you constantly have to make too many decisions, your analytical process gets more and more skewed.  It seems our brains were wired for us to stick to the easiest path, not think too hard about other choices.  To let the beliefs you internalize as you grow up narrow the broad field you begin with into a straight track, without too many turns.  Something easy, if a little mundane, to walk along.  Although there are still disasters and dissatisfaction along the path, it feels so much safer than the alternative.  And yet, sometimes you wonder what happened to the open grassland.  Did it cease to exist when you stopped looking at it, or is it still out there, waiting?

So, as I’ve gotten older, and felt the pull of wide open around me, I have started to really think about what I want my life to be.  I’m starting to realize it could really be anything.  I just need to have the knowledge, and the faith, and the imagination to really understand what it is that I want.  I now know it doesn’t have to be what I thought was prescribed for me, but then, what should it become?   That’s the major work of life, I suppose.  And I have discovered that I need to learn to listen to my gut, the thing deeper down than my brain, the thing that hasn’t been molded by the insecurities, doubts, and minor tragedies that my brain likes to grab onto.   The gut is pretty hard to hear, because my brain can be so loud.  But I catch pieces of it now and again, like a radio station coming in and out of range.

And my gut tells me I need to run, that I should be a runner.  So that’s what I’m going to do.

The Plan

Since neither my fiance or I were really in a running routine, we are starting from the beginning.  I have been running, a bit aimlessly, for several months, not really tracking progress, just sort of going out and running and walking every couple of days.  I have already noticed a big difference in working with a schedule, and we're only a little over a week in.  First of all, I feel winded after short bursts of time, when previously I was running for 10 minutes at a time without feeling very tired.  I think I'm pushing a little harder and running a little faster because I have a schedule I'm sticking to.  There's no guess work involved.  It takes the decision-making out of the equation, which I think I will enjoy.  Second of all, I feel like progress is easier to see because the running is measured and slowly increases, which is motivating.  I've also noticed that because I'm running only 3 days a week right now, I find myself getting antsy and anticipating the next run on my days off.

So we're starting with a Couch to 5K program, that will last for 9 weeks.  Then the plan is to do another, a little more intense, 5K training program that lasts 5 weeks and leads up to the week before our wedding.  I'm giving us a bit of a break the week before the wedding, because I'm not really sure what we'll be able to manage, but the week afterward, we'll start with a 10K training program for beginners.  Then the plan is to move on to a half marathon training for novices, and then another half marathon training program, and then the marathon training program.  In all, it's a plan that lasts about 15 months.  A little intense.  It will certainly be a journey.

I wanted to plan the whole thing so that I knew when we needed to hit certain milestones, but now that the plan is in place, I hope that we'll just take this one run at a time.  It's a little overwhelming to look at where we're supposed to be, knowing what we're capable of now.  At the same time, though, I can clearly see us, running with ease in Hawaii, crossing the finish line.  I can smell the ocean, feel the flowers of the lei they place around your neck at the end of the race, feel the sense of accomplishment and also the exhaustion.  I think it will be a beautiful moment.

The Detour

Well, yesterday was one of those days.  We had some friends in town, so met up with them and a few others at a local brewery to do their tour, and then went out to eat, and then to a friend's house for board games... much of which was a bit spur of the moment.  We had a workout scheduled for yesterday, but then there was beer and rum drinks that were on fire, and more beer.  So yesterday's workout has been moved to today.  Apparently, we aren't quite in the training groove yet.

It's easy to get discouraged when you don't meet your own expectations, especially so early in the process.  It's also easy to blame others for leading you off the path you've set for yourself.  Goals would be so easy to achieve if you lived in a vacuum free of all other outside influences.  But, of course, that's not the case.  It wouldn't be any fun if it were.  I have the feeling we are going to be meeting with a lot skepticism in our upcoming venture, and maybe even a few saboteurs, but that's the fun of the challenge.  Succeeding in spite of these things, conquering them.  At least that's what I'm telling myself today, as I prep for the workout that should, technically, have already been completed.  Onward and upward!

The Decision

My fiance and I are fairly active people.  We are constantly working on our house, doing yard work, going for walks, travelling, and partaking in various day to day activities.  But we have never really been athletes.  This week we decided to change that.   

Over the past couple of years, we have become more and more interested in being healthy.  This spring, we put a lot of work into starting a garden in our yard for vegetables, and gave up eating meat other than fish over 2 years ago.  But we know there is more we can do, and so we decided we are going to start the work to train for the Kauai Marathon in August of 2015.  

We are getting married this September, so that means we'll be spending our first year of marriage together working towards a pretty major physical goal, pushing ourselves and each other beyond what we previously thought we would be capable of.  

I have completed a marathon before and have run several 5Ks and a couple half marathons.  The thing is, I was never very confident in my running skills while completing these.  I always thought of myself as slow, as an amateur, not really as a runner.  I am hoping to change that and finally feel confident in my physical fitness

My fiance has never really been a runner, and this will be his first attempt to run in races, up to and including the marathon.  We have told a lot of our friends and family about this goal, and we get the feeling a lot of them don't really believe we'll follow through.  So, on that note, here we go!